What Your Living Space Says About You

What do our living spaces say about who we are?

 I have always believed that our living spaces say a lot about who we are and what we value.  When I was a teenager, I would curate my bedroom, particularly my bookshelves, and imagine what someone would think of me if they saw my room when I wasn't around.  I even imagined at one point that my own children would come back to my childhood bedroom and see what a cool/smart/creative kid their mom was. Now that I have actual children, I realize that my kids could really care less what my childhood bedroom looked like.  That bedroom is of course long gone since my parents have moved, and who I am as their mom now, and what I'm making for dinner, is far more interesting to them than the fact that I had an Edna St. Vincent Millay book of poetry on my bookshelf (obviously I wasn't all that cool to begin with).

It turns out, this impulse to make my mark on my physical space, and to use it to tell a story is not all that unique.  Dr. Sam Gosling, author of Snoop, writes that “Essentially, what your home does is distil a very long history of behaviours and choices,” 

“If you meet someone for a short period of time you only have a very short sample of their behavior. But the items in their home reflect persistent and repeated behaviours and choices (whether deliberately or subconsciously), carried out time and time again. This makes them a very reliable way to gather information about that household.”

In his book, Snoop, Professor Gosling explores how when it comes to the most essential components of our personality—from friendliness and flexibility to openness and originality—the things we own and the way we arrange them can say more about who we are than even our most intimate conversations. “One way to think about it is that there are lots of ways we betray our personality in day-to-day life, both deliberately and inadvertently.”

For me, bookshelves have always held a special significance.  When I moved into my dormroom in college, and my first apartments after that, the first thing I always set up were my bookshelves.  After that the art on the walls.  In the early years, before I was creating art as regularly as I do now, I would create specific art for the walls of any new place I lived.  I still have the painting of flowers I made for the walls of my first college apartment, and the oil pastel drawings I created for my temporary summer home my first year in New York City.  The art and the books gave me comfort, but they also reminded me of who I wanted to be. This best version of myself was one who read poetry and classic literature, who studied art books and who was creative and smart and loved color and had something to say and share with the world. 

 I remember even in those early days of young adult independant living, I loved having people over.  Before anyone would visit, I would take stock of the art I wanted to share on my walls (this was before facebook and social media, so my walls were actual walls), the flow of my living space, even the pillows and blankets on the couch said something about who I was and what I wanted to share. 

 As my Jewish identity took hold, that part of my life became as important to me as the artistic part and the bookish part.

Today I am an artist and educator, a mother and a wife.  I share my home with two crazy wonderful children and a sports loving Rabbi husband.  As I look around, there is no doubt about who lives in my home today.  

From the mezuzah on the doors, to the menorahs that double as art in our wall unit, to the kiddush cups and challah boards, to the books in the bookshelves to the kippahs on the children, to the double everything in the kitchen (for meat and dairy, a kosher kitchen) this is a Jewish house. 

The colors of my home are warm---burgundy/plum and golden brown, with a blue couch and bright pillows, and warm wood floors.  

Along with my books, photographs of my family and small souvenirs from trips line my bookshelves and wall unit. My exteneded shelf in the kitchen, hidden by a wall is cluttered with school projects, calendars, sports schedules and birthday invitations.  

My walls are lined with art (mostly my own, but some created by others), and I have chosen furniture that is both functional and artistic.  My dining room light fixture made out of collanders and kitchen utensils is a highlight, alongside our handmade art ottoman and metal sculpted Edison lamp.  

These are all the artifacts that I have collected that make up my home.  But Dr. Gosling doesn't stop there.  He writes that in addition to these choices we make consciously, there are subconscious ways that we affect our space:

"Like Sherlock Holmes looking for evidence of criminal behaviours, someone’s home shows evidence of normal everyday behaviour, which can tell me something about who they are. I call this ‘Behavioural Residue’.

“It might be the way that books are arranged, a ticket from the theatre, a postcard, travel book or memento. Or it could be a reflection of personality: all the cutlery isn’t properly organised in the tray, all the DVDs are alphabetised in their cases, or perhaps there are plenty of spare toilet rolls in the bathroom cabinet. It all reflects things that have, been done to the space and choices that have been made.” 

"For example, if you go into a kitchen and someone has a calendar, it tells you that they’re trying to be organised. It tells you that they aspire to plan ahead, but the most important thing is to look as to whether it’s used.

“There are plenty of people who want to be really organised and they go out and buy a certain calendar or organise their books or DVDs in a certain way, but they never get round to continuing the behaviour. It’s more of an aspiration. And it tells you they’re not a naturally organised person but aspire to be.”

I have been in many homes (haven't we all?), and I think that to a certain degree, this we all want our homes to reflect our best selves.  We want them to say something about us, to convey our uniqueness.  Some homes are clean, pristine, others are messy and lived in.  Some are clearly taken over by the children and their toys. For a long time our tiny space required our living room to double as a play room and art studio. Even now in our larger home we are messy--there is no denying that. Though we clean up well, I think you could definitely look at certain spaces in our home and say---Aha! This is a person who hides the mess (or, thinks she is hiding the mess, but really--look at that desk!)

I don't know what the mess says about us, but like it or not, it is as much a part of our house as the artwork, the books, the toys, the Judaica and the throw pillows. I personally like the saying that a good mom has sticky floors, a messy kitchen and happy children, but that is just me.  

I'm curious---what do you think your house says about you?